Top Ten “First Things My Evil Assistant Would Do”

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Rich has asked what would the first thing my assistant would do.

Unfortunately, the first things my assistants have done was to start mucking things up. The second thing they do, once they’re good and trained, is leave.

What I would like is an Evil Assistant. Sort of a Voodoo assistant. If I had an evil assistant, here are the top things I would have my Evil Assistant do initially:

10. Jinx the competition.

9. Hypnotize Oprah into adding me to her show.

8. Hypnotize Oprah into giving me her show.

7. Re-write mission statement to include World Domination as strategic goal.

6. Create subservient lackey positions for former bosses and supervisors.

5. Extend Life Plan to cover new business in dark nether region.

4. Create complete list of reasons my in-laws said my business would fail.

3. Find never-ending supply of coffee. (Caffeinated of course.)

2. Seize Apple marketing and product development divisions.

1. Take care of filing. I hate paperwork.

<insert evil laugh>

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